Because I always feel like I’m gonna get ditched or something. They’re gonna not show up and find something better to do. I don’t even have enough friends for that. I have a few. I guess that’s why I’m even more afraid of them not showing up.
I wish everything would stop changing. Even I’m changing. I don’t know if I can take it. I feel terrible.
Who do you rant to when nobody will listen, Sam?
Why, I rant to you. A website where nobody cares to read my blogs, but have the ability if they like. Let’s go for it.
I’ve come to realize…
You know I’ll always be here for you no matter what happens. That sentence is one that’s thrown around a lot, but I only say it if I mean it. We’ve gone through it all for like, 12 years. If you need me to talk to anyone or do anything, just say the word, and I’m there. Cause ya know, I don’t take shit from no one and I won’t take the shit people give to my best friends.
My writing is shit. I just need to let emotion out somehow.
My mother has the same sickening brown hair I do. The only difference is, she covers her up with overly processed blond streaks. She won’t let an ounce of color touch mine to alter it in any way. She says I’m beautiful the way I am, and I’m too young to be doing that to myself anyway. Can’t she be beautiful the way she is? I guess not. Maybe that’s why dad us packing up his things to move across the country as we speak.
When I was younger I could have never seen this happening. I didn’t even know something like this could happen. I always thought once you were married, it was together forever and eternal love. But I got older and saw all my friends parents and families go through this thing called a divorce. I never wanted my family to be like anyone else. I saw all the pain and stress it cause on them. It was tough to watch it happen, and not it’s even tougher to be a victim of a separating family yourself.
Shouldn’t it hurt more than this, though?
When they sat my older brother and I down for the first and last “family meeting” ever, they explained it all. To some, it would feel like a giant tear right down the middle of their lives. To me, it was like reading the headlines of the daily newspaper. Sure it was affecting my world, but was it affecting me personally? Most likely not.
I remember as soon as the word came out of my fathers mouth, my brothers eyes teared up. I’ve never seen him cry about anything. Not from our grandfathers death. Not from his breakup with his then girlfriend of two and a half years. Not when he was rejected from his top choice of college. Nothing. Except of course, for the separation of his parents.
"Are you alright, Trevor?" My dad asks and put his string hand on my brothers shoulder, and I swear, I saw fire come up from his eyes and clear that water away in a second flat. He then stood.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" He hissed.
Another thing I had never seen Trevor do was disrespect my parents, especially to their faces. I guess that’s why he got that look on his face right before he grabbed his car keys and slammed the front door behind him so fast it bounced back open to let the summer breeze shoot through the house. My parents looked from the door, to me, to each other. Then, then held each others hands, which bugged me a lot.
I legit cannot move right now, aside from my fingers to type and even that kinda hurts. Painnnn, much? My head is gonna explode and my insides are gonna bust. I haven’t eaten in three days, because food makes me nauseous, and I’m sure that’s not helping my problem either.
Today was the longest day of my life. My head kills. Die.
eating Oreos and watching some show about conjoined twins. Pretty hot, I know. Actually kinda really sad and upsetting… I’m just waiting for American Idol to start.
I really love and hate getting gifts for people. The feeling of giving someone something they like is amazing to me and always brings a smile to my face. But I never know what to get anyone /: BAH. Sam’s birthday is Saturday and Josh’s birthday is Wednesday. Hey now, I didn’t get ya’ll anything yet. But I have ideas. I just need to order the things and whatnot and get them to you. And then Valentines day, and yet again, I don’t know what to get you Josh. Sorry.
I’m rambling. I don’t know what I’m saying. Nothing in tha last paragraph made any sense.
Well, I’m really happy for Erica&Josh first of all. They’re the most adorkable thing of my life and I love them both a lot.
Erica; well, she’s been there all my life. I honestly don’t have a memory before I met that girl. Preschool came and she just became my entire life. She’s always been there for me. (I think) I know her better than anyone, and the fact that she found someone that she’s so comfortable with is fantastic. I started to lose so many people when she started to fade away and I honestly thought I was going to fall to pieces, but still, she was there. Even when we was gone, she was there for me and I was there for her (or at least I hope I was). This year, when we got close again, I was the happiest I’ve been in well over a year. Erica again filled the spot she’s been in in my heart for the past almost twelve years. I love that girl. She goes through so much crap, and her relationship with Josh is something she really deserved and I’m so happy they found each other.
Josh; I met him when he was the deaf inspector, but remember him as the King, even though he doesn’t remember it. Erica came back into my life when she started to like him, so I basically knew him before I knew him, even if that sounds awkward and creepy. I really thought things would be awkward, but he’s become my friend (at least to me). He’s a great person and in the past four months of a friendship we’ve had, he’s helped me so much. I think the reason he became so much of a friend to me is because he’s just like Erica, and Erica has been such a big part of my life. So, yea. I love josh too.
Anywayyyyy, I’m really happy for the both of them. The fact that they’re amazing for each other goes without saying. They’re both just fantastic freaking people and—
Okay, I’m done babbling about how much I love them and blah blah blah.
Happy Five Months, Jerica/Joshica/Erosh/Ersh… your names don’t really have that Brangelina feel, now do they? Oh well.
Mhm, HAPPY 5 MONTHS! <@:D <3 <3 <3
Ohmygawshhh, Sam I love you so much <3 This has me in tears! I would write something back to you, but I’m at a loss for words right now. Like, legit. Ahh my liffffffffffe :) I’m looking for a bithday present for you and him right now, actually, but I keep failing D: I’ll find something, and you two better like it! Or pretend you do to make me happy.
I can remember being in a good mood for days upon days, my smile wouldn’t fade, the feeling wouldn’t disappear, and I get happier every moment my mind goes back in time. September 2, 2009, easily one of the best days of my life. It’s still so weird how everything worked out so perfectly, it seems. We were so the same, and we just worked, ya know? Never thought someone like you existed out there in this world of six billion people and beyond. This is one dream of mine that came true better than I believed it to.
I love you. So much. So fucking much.
Five months, Josh. I kinda still can’t believe it. Thank you :)
I’m thinking, I wish it was summer, I wish this week was over all ready and vacation was here, I miss blink-182, I want to go to a concert. I’m pretty excited for my 5 months with Erica. I’m also going to try to stay happy, because this was around the time last year were I was left alone. Trust was broken and everyone I thought who would stand by me just left. Right around my birthday which by the way I’m not even excited for, I should be though. I was kicked over and pushed aside. I was at my worst ever and bothered everyday. I don’t know how I sruvived. I will most likely keep tumbling as the days pass and I recall everything day by day, relive the pain.. “I’ll tell you the saddest story of how we made it though this past year” - ADTR
this makes me sad/= can you please not dwell on the past and your friends’ mistakes. we love you now, i love you now. and i’ll never ever leave you. i promise, promise, promise. i’m only being honest when i say i’d be dead without you<3 you’ve been through more crap with me than anyone, and i trust you with my life. you’re always there for me, and i can count on you to cheer me up no matter what. you know it’s the same for you easter hunny, i’m here no matter what. and this birthday will be a good one because you’ll be a whole 17 years old. what an old man. i’d hate to see you in such pain again and i don’t want you to look back, i want you to look at what you have right now. an amazing girlfriend, friends that love you, and just positive stuff ahead of you. can you just do that, for me? if you need me, my phone is always on, squadaobvs. i love you joshyposhypuddininpie<3 :)
Danielle is sooo right. Make 2010 good :) Put the past behind and live on. I know it’s hard, but if I can be positive, anyone can. Including you. You know I’m always here for you when you need it. I love you so much and you know it kills me to see you sad. We all want the best for someone like you. You deserve it. Tomorrow marks a good day. Smile, boo <3 Everyone loves you.
OMFG I’M PEEING. SHE WAS GONE FOR TWO DAYS. I LOOKED EVERYYYYWHERE. THEN I’M SITTING HERE IN THE DARK AND I SEE SOMETHING SCURRY ACROSS THE FLOOR. Oh my goshhhh, I jumped up and grabbed her so fast it felt like I was jumping out of my skin. I’m sososososo happy right now you have no idea <3 Huggge mood booster :)