in all honosty, I’m so finished I can’t stand anytthing anymore. Sometimes I don’t know why I bother and undergo so much stress.Everyday I wake up and feel like shit, and everyday it gets worse and worse. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up..again.
I feel like I’ve been waiting for this day for as long as I’ve been breathing this earths polluted air. This week was shit, for the most part. I hope today will be better. I hope my plans follow through and I get a good laugh here and there with my friends. Maybe I’ll feel less like dick, too. Everything on my body hurts. I feel like I have cement hardening in my head and arrows sticking into every three inches of my skin. I’m really in the mood to draw/paint and I have a feeling that will help me de-stress, but it’s too late. I’ll draw in Art tomorrow.
I’m gonna bullshit the day away as best I can. Like always, my teachers can expect the same thing from me. I don’t hand in my homework because I don’t do it. I don’t raise my hand or participate because I don’t give a rats flying fuck about sharing my opinion with a bunch of assholes. I don’t take the proper notes and my papers are always covered in obscene words and trippy drawing and lyrics that could make your heart literally shed a tear. But when it comes down to the final grade, I excel. I don’t understand, but I’m not complaining.
Mmm, Arizona Iced Tea is like a liquid orgasm. Well.. alright never mind. I guess that means it’s just like an orgasm in general. Kinda. Sorta. Maybe. Yes. I drink it way too much for my won good. My kidney stones will come back yet again from all the caffeine. And with all this pasta I eat before bed, I’ll just continue to get fatter and fatter. My ass will bouncemore than it should for any girl my height or weight. A girl of 5’4 1/3” and 110lbs does not look good with a bouncy ass. Awkward, much?
Why is my dog licking the carpet? Oh great, now he’s laying on my bed. Now he’s on me. He is the visual of ‘too much love’. I adore this animal. Oh, Reginald.
I want to watch Proof again. It was strangely really good. Okay, Jake Gyllenhaal was in it so of course it was good. and has a lot to do with mathematics and this all mighty equation of a crazy mathematician who died, and everyone tries to figure out if his equation lucks out. But yeah, it’s one of those movies that requires you to think. I wasn’t giving it as much attention as I should because I was doing homework. Gweneth Paltrow and Jakey get props from me. Might just fall asleep to it instead of Mean Girls like I’ve been doing every night for about a week, it feels like. I could watch that movie eleven times in one day, repeat the whole script, and still laugh my ass off at the same parts I laughed at the first time. No, you know what? I’m watching Mean Girls.
Did you know I’m in the middle of reading three books? But I never have time to read.
This word always reminds me of The Perks Of Being A Wallflower.
I want to go to sleep.. And stay asleep for a few months.
Sure, I’ll miss some things but right now I really don’t care as much as I probably should. I literally am counting down the minutes until this day ends, and I can lay my head down on my pillow, smother myself in my blankets, and pass out.
11:11, Fuck that shit. I have nothing to wish for anymore.
I don’t want anything but happy right now, and it seems as though I won’t be getting that any time soon. Every time I think that things are looking up, it all just falls to shit and I end up wanting to fall into a never ending hole of nothing.
This phone call with three friends isn’t as fun as it should be.
YUCK. I FEEL LIKE DICK. I really cannot wait to go to the doctor tomorrow. Maybe she can tell me if I’m dying, because I’m at that point in the game where I really think something may be wrong. Also, I want to ask her about Seasonal Affective Disorder during the winter. I fit all the symptoms of
Decreased level of energy.
Increase in appetite.
Desire to be alone.
Increased need for sleep.
Weight gain (Especially cravings for carbohydrates)
Loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed.
I’m really getting sick of this. It’s been a thing for as long as I can remember. In a way, I wish I had it because then I have an excuse for why I feel so crappy all the time. If there’s nothing wrong with me, I might just lose my mind.
& I just woke up at like.. ten. Fell asleep sevenish, I guess. Then I hopped in the shower. Didn’t do any of my homework when it was all terribly easy for once. I didn’t take any medicine like I usually would when I feel like this. I guess I don’t know what I should do because I feel like this won’t go away. What am I talking about?
LOLZ CURTIS WARD:it was about then when i really needed something good in my life. then you showed up and brought everything good with you. and if for some reason you just disappeared, my life would be twice as bad as it was from the start.
animaniac93:I feel really important now. And needed.
LOLZ CURTIS WARD:you should. because you are.
animaniac93:Like I'm such a important part of your life. I never thought I could make such a impact on someone else.
LOLZ CURTIS WARD:well, you did.
LOLZ CURTIS WARD:it's just the truth.
animaniac93:That thank you was much deeper then for just the impact statement. It was for everything. For talking back to me. To being my friend. To letting me in. To hanging out with me. To going to a concert with me. To saying that "yes". And most importantly, for just being you and who you are.
It’s def cause I wore it natural today, which means it was super curly. But I just straightened it, and now it feels never ending. I wish it was like this all the time. I wish I could make it longer somehow. I wish I could change a lot of things about me.
BAHBAHBAHBAHBAH. I’m gonna cut everyone. Is everyone really having a heart attack over this? So, you don’t like each other, you never have, why bring it up now and have a huge bitch fit.
I see where you’re coming from, but don’t blow it out of proportion. One thing sets off twenty seven others and brings in four more people that aren’t supposed to be involved. Wait a while, until things blow over, and then when they aren’t fixed and the situation really gets out of hand, then you blow up.
I really cannot wait to go to bed. I feel like I did so much today, but I got nothing important done whatsoever. It just will not end. School is definitely not on my wish list as of now, and neither is a lot of things… Every muscle in my body hurts.